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Most Embarassing Moment of My Life

Monday, February 2nd, 2009

Yesterday, life played a cruel trick on me. Yes, life ITSELF decided ‘it’s time to mess around with Oytun’ and consequently the most embarassing moment of my life occured.

It was 14:35 on a cold Sunday afternoon – I had just gotten out of bed after a week of being lazy enjoying the Chinese New Year. My girlfriend would be back in the country later that day and hence I had spent the previous couple of days cleaning the house and shopping for groceries. I quickly took a shower and put on some clothes but I was already running late, I had to be at the airport at 5 o’clock!  I wondered how in the world I had squandered a week of free time doing almost nothing… and even noticed some stain on my jacket that I had been meaning to clean ALL week long but never got around to. Nevertheless, I decided I couldn’t afford to be late to pick up my girlfriend from the airport!

So I jumped on to the Metro Line 2 on my way to catch the Maglev Train to the airport. In the metro, I usually like to stand in the corner somewhere, where I can avoid the pushing and shoving and just be in my own world and thoughts. I was happily day dreaming and counting down the stops until my arrival, until I just could not escape a DIRECT STARE by this scary but quite unique homeless person.

I’ve seen many homeless and poor people in and outside of Shanghai before – but this guy just had something special about him. He had this huge amout of hair like a caveman and big eyes with fuzzy eyebrows – which itself is quite unordinary for a Chinese person. He didn’t seem menacing at all but that could all change in the split of a second – somewhat like a tranquilized Wild Animal.

He was eating some form of luxury Chocolate Ice Cream in a Cone- Haagen Daazs would be my guess. He was carrying in the other hand a small bag with him that were his sole life possessions. His face was covered in dirt and his mouth was covered in chocolate. And this guy was looking directly at lil ol’ me in the corner! Some people that were standing in between us quickly moved out the way when they noticed his presence. After giving him a small nod and smile to show my friendliness I kept trying to look elsewhere and ignore him as gently as I could.

He then started approaching me and pointed his finger at me. People around the train now were focused in on this showdown with the Homeless Chinese ‘Barbarian’ and the Young ‘Laowai’ Foreigner – it had the makings of an epic CCTV news story. I didn’t know how to respond to his pointing, so I just gave him a raised eyebrow to show I was not understanding or impressed by his actions. But he really had something he wanted to tell me, you could see it in his face behind all the layers of dirt.  Had I dropped my wallet, did he mistake me for someone, was he asking for some warm clothes?

He had a face that showed both confusion and amusement – I never knew those two emotions could be displayed simultaneously. Then he pointed at me once more, but he pointed at exactly what was confusing him so much. This dirt and chocolate faced monster was giving me the puzzled look this whole time to figure out…. WHY IN THE WORLD MY JACKET HAD A STAIN ON IT! After realizing what had just transpired, and noticing the eyes of the other passengers scan me and my jacket, I was literally lost for words. Not that it had anything to do with my inability to speak Chinese, but I never in a million years thought this scenario could have transpired. I was ridiculed by a homeless person in one of the poorest countries in the world….and with reason too!

I tried to compose myself, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with this huge, albeit innocent, grin on the face of my new homeless hygene doctor. I decided to give him a little smile and nod to just get the guy to stop pointing at the stain on my jacket and draw even more attention on to myself. (He was now using the ice cream in his hand to try to ask if it’s ice cream that I have on the jacket!) He gave me another dissapproving look (the same type that a mother would give to their child) and I had to nod again in humiliation that indeed I should be cleaner than that.

It slightly crossed my mind to retaliate with pointing at him and show how dirty he is but 1) getting into a competition with a homeless person in ANYTHING is probably not a good idea and 2) somehow his jacket looked clean and had no major stains on it!

The embarassment was just too much and I could no longer bare it, I decided to just get off at the next stop just to avoid this guy. Luckily enough, the guy was getting off himself at the next stop. But of course, he couldn’t just leave me with a trace of dignity – he had to complete ruin me. He waved at me and said “BYEBYE”, and then as I was waving back to him he made a washing gesture with his hands and pointed at my Jacket once again….in case there were any deaf people on the train who had not yet realized my shambolic situation.

The next couple minutes were awkward as people no doubt were discussing what had just transpired. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is turned into a folk legend similar to those Dragon vs Monkey stories that Chinese love so much. The homeless guy will probably go down in history for thousands of years and have a holiday named after him or something.

Anyways, as soon as I got off the subway I headed into a men’s room and tried to wash the blood from my hands so to speak. This was evidence and humiliation I could no longer carry with me. I would have thrown the damn jacket away if it wasn’t so cold. I ended up missing the Maglev train to the airport and had to wait for a while as result. But it didn’t matter, the popular saying was right all along – it’s better to be late, than sorry!

Dreams

Thursday, December 18th, 2008

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My dream since being a little child was to be a professional basketball player in the NBA. Anyone I ever came across would giggle when I would mention it, the type of giggle that parents give their kids when they say they want to be an astronaut or a President. In fact, this is a dream that wasn’t so outside my reach. Sure, there would be loads of hurdles along the way but the chances weren’t so slim that it was impossible. But nevertheless, I never had it in me to pursue this dream the way it needed to be.

 

So skip forward a decade and this dream safely out of any possible reach, I decided to channel my love for the sport into a blog – and a new dream was born. First it was over at Oytamuah.blogspot.com and recently on Oytun.co.uk. I have had loads of fun with it and while my impact on the blogosphere was limited to just 2 articles (one being mentioned on CNN/SI, one on the Washington Post) I still don’t regret the hours of time I spent writing up my post-grad thesis lengthy essays. Sure the ad revenue I totaled is a measly $4.41 – which would probably make me the worst paid person in the world…if I had done it as a living. However, there is a kind of pleasure in turning your thoughts into permanent ‘beings’ that can’t be measured by pageviews, # of visitors, or advertising revenue. Recently however, again due to my inability to pursue this dream with the amount of dedication it deserves, I’ve begun to accept that it is time to let this dream die as well.

 

Dreams while they seem to be lifelong goals or benchmarks to measure ourselves in – are in my mind nothing but stepping stones. Change is so prevalent within us in our lifetime and within our environments – that having one constant dream is a dream in of itself.

 

Today is the day I decide that basketball shall remain a sport and a source of entertainment for me and nothing less, nothing more. While I don’t have a new focused dream to immediately clang myself onto – I can assure you I’m searching. As anyone who knows me well will know, I’ll never run out of ideas…I just need to pick the right one. But for the third time around, I will make sure its something lasting, and more importantly something I can really dedicate myself to. It’s like the story of the bacon-and-egg breakfast, the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise-weight-Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise: normal; mso-bidi-font-Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise-weight-Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise: bold;”>It’s time for me to step up, and be the pig!

 

 

 

 

 

Wo Ai China, China Ai Wo

Monday, August 25th, 2008

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China has had its ups and downs throughout its history as have I, but strangely enough, the past decade has led us to grow into a intertwined life path – unexpected, yet seemingly destined.

The Xia Dynasty

My first experience with the country came on a holiday to Beijing and Xi’An in the Fall of 1999. It wasn’t exactly the dream holiday for a pleasure seeking and quite frankly spoilt child in the middle of adolescence. At the ripe age of 14, I had visited more temples than probably Dalai Lama himself so I was more interested in laying on some beach somewhere than in seeing the dead body of a tyrant. Nevertheless China did intrigue me, how could it not with its rich culture, mystique, and folklore – translated to me as kung-fu, pandas, and dragons in those days..

 

The Great Wall didn’t end up impressing me as much as I thought it would. I couldn’t see what was so special about it, a simple ladder from your local shop would have undone its purpose and the 1000+ years it took to build it. Just like the Great Wall itself, I perhaps had the fake illusion that I was more important that the other things in this world and consequently was unable to establish a real connection with China. That fall at the turn of the millennium, I vowed never to return to the Middle Kingdom ever again. I deemed it backwards, uncivil, and without life – probably the exact opinion that China had of me…

  

It took me just three years to return to the land from which I had banished myself. The circumstances presented themselves in such a way that I really had no choice once again. My parents had moved to Shanghai and I made frequent visits during the Easter and Christmas holidays throughout my University years. It seemed as if destiny was playing a cruel trick on me and imposing that I treasure the Pearl of the Orient. I can’t say I fell in love with it the second time around either. Sure, Shanghai with its strong Western influences, the cheap shopping, the vibrant nightlife and exotic girls did warm me up to what was becoming a fascinating land. There was such rapid growth and change, it seemed like China was in the middle of its very own adolescence. However, once again I dismissed the idea of ever actually moving and living there on the grounds that it was a large disconnected vacuum – whether it is geographically, sociologically, politically or culturally.

The Qing Dynasty 

I myself was very disconnected at the time. Freshly out of university, I took a couple of months of holiday to decide my course in life. I ended up in the heart of another kingdom – London in the United Kindgom was where I would chase whatever I was seeking. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, where to do it, or how to do it – so I eventually decided to apply to the top companies in the world in perhaps the most competitive area possible (creative marketing) in one of the most cutthroat cities in the world. Much like China in the wake of its rightful flourishing into a nation with endless opportunities – I thought if I aim high it doesn’t matter the direction I take. My interviewers didn’t see it that way – they questioned whether I was really a people person and credit to them they were absolutely right, I wasn’t. Much like China – the ‘people aspect’ was never my strong point.  

In the end, I was chasing the wrong career, the wrong dream, and worst of all I was even in the wrong place. London, whilst being everything I thought I wanted, was really not proving to be the place where I wanted to spend my golden years. Most of my friends were residing there and I had decided to enroll in a Finance Masters program to pursue a career more fitting for me. However the problem with that plan was that I knew exactly how the next 5 years of my life was going to pan out, and that thought really frightened me as I envision Mao’s 5 year plans frightened the Chinese people. I’ve always been one to live life not knowing what unexpected turn my life could take. After all, I pretty much had to – considering that 4 times before in my life I had lived in a place for at least 3 years, and had to leave everything behind and start a new life somewhere else. So it seemed like I needed to do that once more – forget the past, and start afresh… much like the beginning of a new dynasty. And I got that unexpected opportunity in March of 2007.

The Western Zhou Dynasty 

The prospect was simple – I would move to Shanghai where my parents and brother were living and join a multinational company working in finance where I wished to begin my career. Sure I would have to start out living in my parents house, have no friends, work in a challenging field relatively new to me, and enter work more through connections than my own hunt – but that didn’t stop me from pulling the trigger faster than a lead in a John Woo movie. As expected, the first few months were a challenge – but as China itself seemed to be doing, I swept the negatives under the rug, focused largely on the positives and tried to develop myself as much as possible. 

Things were starting to look up until a series of unfortunates events happened. My parents had a serious car accident essentially leading them to return to Belgium, my brother decided to move to Thailand, and before I knew what had happened I was all alone in this country that only several years ago I had declared I would never set foot on again. China itself was going through a rough patch – the weather problems during the Chinese New Year, the political turmoil in Tibet and Darfur, the boycott requests of the Olympics, and recently the earthquake in Sichuan.

 

Amidst this circumstantial chaos, China and I bonded. China’s vibrant and often times hectic lifestyle was an interesting backdrop to my gloomy attitude at the time. One of the reasons why I had left England was that everyday felt like “Groundhog Day”, but China was proving to be the complete opposite. To this day, I don’t think I’ve had one day pass where I didn’t witness something new. Perhaps on your regular walk to work one Monday morning you will realize that a regular Chinese shop has been replaced by a Nike store in the span of one weekend, you might find some carrots slip into your Big Mac, you might see a street fight between a man and a woman, you might see your colleagues cut their toenails in the office, or you might just simply see a hilarious English sign that has been mistranslated.

 

China’s attraction didn’t stop at interesting everyday experiences. It’s fast emergence and growth has led it to skip a generation and adopt some really new and innovative technology and business practices not present in most areas of the world. Home delivery is available for anything from dry cleaning, to restaurant meals, to custom tailoring, all the way to massage services – all at bargain prices and even with the ability to order over MSN. Taxis/boats/and practically any flat surface in town has inbuilt TV’s, DVD stores can be found on every street corner, electronic shops with everything imaginable are plentiful – all bringing China to the forefront of countries obsessed over consumer electronics.

 

Truth remained however, that besides experiencing a wildly mesmerizing culture and enjoying the comfort of a King-like lifestyle, something else was needed. What does every 23 year old’s heart beat for? Why, the nightlife of course. It’s hard to imagine any place in the world better for this. Hot exotic girls? Check. World class clubs, bars, restaurants? Check. Affordable prices? Check. Local girls’ interest in foreigners? Triple check. While a night out in a city such as London could easily cost over 100pounds, end up terribly after ending up in a pretentious club full of overLose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise-weight-Lose Weight Exercise/”>Lose Weight Exercise and overdrunk girls, with perhaps a few fights and yelling somewhere – Shanghai’s nightlife hardly ever disappoints. Relaxed, safe, cheap, interesting, entertaining…the positive adjectives to describe it are endless.

 

So life was interesting, it was easy, and it was fun. Isn’t that all that’s needed to like something? Perhaps, but something deeper is needed to actually love something – and I believe much like most kinds of love, this takes time to build and fortify. For me its taken approximately a decade, dating back to my first visit as a immature 14 year old – but now I truly feel it “Wo ai China”. Was it that China changed and I started liking it, or had I changed and China started liking me?

 

There are countless handbooks teaching you about places, but none that teach you how to love it. The simple fact is that if its destined to be, it will eventually win you over. The smile on the faces of desperate vendors in downtown Shanghai, the voices of the young girls singing songs in the streets of Lijiang, the beauty of Guilin’s natural sights, the majestic presence of Beijing…these are some of the flashes of this great nation that win a permanent spot in your heart. As Confucius once said: “Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it”. I’m just glad I finally got to see it.